For the first time in my life at almost 40 I found myself actually considering dating apps. Having not grown up in this odd social media, app frenzy world it seemed like a foreign alien to me. Shockingly I didn’t grow up with Facebook and was an adult before I even started an account and still have no idea what tic Tok and all the circus is? In collage the most exciting thing I remember was moving from 25 floppy disks to a hard drive- exciting stuff let me tell you.
My first thought was- well it can’t be that bad I mean it would be nice to have adult conversation and dinner with someone who doesn’t sing “Choo choo” and watch Thomas all day. Man was I wrong. Everyone’s experience is different so let me preface all of this with that. Because this is only my opinions and observations between wine and laughter. YES it was that bad. It got so bad that I would just fire up my apps and grab a fabulous glass of wine and send my friends the TOP 3 disasters of the day. The worst part of this joke was it was hard to narrow it down to only 3 😂
For some reason I have always attracted older men- why I honestly don’t know. Must be my laid back personality and sweet non opinionated demeanor (tongue in cheek) in my moments of hysterics and laughter I started categorizing them.
– early 40’s never been married just realized time is running out so they are NOW looking for the whole package but the live in a bachelor world and are shocked at the marriage compromise
-mid 40’s freshly divorced and burnt so badly they are reclaiming their youth with a 24 hour gym fitness membership and trainer, new hair color and possibly highlights, bronzer maybe a little Botox and the goal is sleeping and dating as many people that don’t remind them of their tired nagging ex
-mid 50’s looking for control and someone to take care of them later but wouldn’t dream of dating their age because I quote “they look old” opposed to their youthfulness 😂
To be clear this is just age categories – I totally left out all the other crazy categories like specifications and gym rats who counted macros and had 12 pictures of three different biceps as profile pictures. And can we talk about the bathroom selfies – MEN- listen clearly – you will be judged in 2.5 nano seconds on your taste, wealth and sanitation with the wrong bathroom selfie that tells all your (shower curtain truths) in one picture. Also most women don’t want to date a FISH or a sports team so having multiple pictures of that as all your profiles says: my hobbies are my life and at 40+ I’m not changing. Also please please please find a picture that’s NOT high-school (yes your Jersey style gives away the 70’s look) and don’t have 5 pictures of you with different women and their faces covered with a heart. Lastly – the pictures in front of the car is only for the high school football senior – stop it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
A huge debate in the online app world: to pay or not to pay. Most apps have a cheaper or intro free level option. As a serious women who is an adult I’m looking to date someone who is serious enough to want to date not have a fling. So while some of the apps cost a bit more seeing that you paid for them gives you points.
Professional dating services – now that is a fun topic and yes I totally signed up for one : hold the judgment! I’ll tell you more on that later. 😌
What I did eventually learn was that dating is insanely hard, dating with kids is basically impossible (and worth of BOOKS) and even if you write an entire biography it will still be approached by crazy.
I will say that it surprised men when I came right out front and wanted to talk about their stance on God, money and sex. Shocking I know and direct – but guess what vital and something that you need to know upfront and not 3-6-9 months later because LOVE will not get you through. I wanted to know what their exact version of having a relationship with God was like? Was it a personal relationship in which they prayed often and throughout the day? Did they go to church? pray, volunteer or participate or did they keep it “private” as I heard many a man say. At the ages of 40+ what was their 10 year goal, financial outlook and retirement plan. Ladies at this age he has to have this in his vision or it’s a for gone conclusion. And lastly sex or more specifically what their version of that was in marriage. Did they believe in an open marriage or one that you can stray just a time or two or if your out of zip code it doesn’t count. Yes I know I know whyyyyy would you ask these questions- just spend the time and get to know them. Cause girl I lived it – a naive 18 year old girl married a sex addicted swinger. I didn’t even know what that was or that it was a thing. 10 years later it left me shattered into a million pieces and took me years to connect the dots and when I did I was plagued with what to do because I didn’t believe in divorce and desperately wanted to make my husband happy. (Why wasn’t I enough))))?????
So ask the questions ALLLLL of them and btw your not to much, don’t tone it down and be your true authentic self upfront. No need to be abrasive or rude just be real and leave the false eyelashes at home 🤨 also TRUST your gut always – be careful and if it feels wrong or out of your comfort zone leave.
And if you want to date a adult with a brain don’t be afraid to fill out that entire profile and add lots to content and what your looking for. Be SPECIFIC – skip the I like to hike and go to romantic candlelight dinners.
My first statement on my profile said: if we go out take me somewhere fun that isn’t a hike or dinner. To be clear the man I’m dating obviously cared enough to read so he took me paddle-boarding for 6 hours and treated me to tacos in the middle of the afternoon cause.
I did find an amazing God loving man who loves me, mine and treats me better than anyone I have ever met. We are a 98% match on http://www.eharmony.com and I understand why more everyday. It’s not perfect or squeaky or covered with a white picket fence. But more on that later.
Here’s something fun to chew on – would you date the perfect guy indefinitely or is marriage your only goal? Tell me your thoughts – I’d love to hear them and your crazy stories or good ones.
We now spend tons of time hiking, biking and on the water. What I love most about him is that he can laugh at himself and I can admit that I peed myself (moms gets it) laughing so hard! must have volume
MAM 